When I Could Not Run, I Lost More Than Fitness
How an injury forced me to face my identity, my habits, and rebuild from a different place
Dear Duniyawaalo (People of the World)
Life is not just built on our wins.
Sometimes, it is shaped more by what we lose.
I want to share what happened when I lost a part of who I thought I was.
This is not a comeback story. This is something I am still working through.
After the 2025 Chicago Marathon in October, I got injured (Plantar Fasciitis).
At first, I thought it was temporary.
Rest a little. Recover. Get back.
But the recovery did not go the way I expected.
The injury stayed. Not as bad, but not gone either.
And slowly, something else started to slip.
Running was never just an exercise for me.
It was my anchor.
It was how I saw myself.
I was a runner.
That identity carried me through some of the toughest phases of my life.
It gave me structure, discipline, and a sense of belonging.
Then one day, I could not run.
And I did not realize how much of me was tied to that until it was gone.
At first, it was just a missed workout.
Then a few more.
Then it became easier not to show up.
Movement stopped.
But my eating did not.
And the weight started to come back.
What scared me was not just the weight.
It was how familiar everything felt.
I had been in this place before.
Years ago.
When I was lost, unhealthy, and trying to just get through the day.
This felt like I was slipping back into that version of myself.
But this time, something was different.
Because of the mindfulness practices I have built over the years,
I could see it happening.
I could observe the thoughts.
The avoidance.
The slow drift.
And that made it even harder in a different way.
I knew what needed to be done.
Move. Show up. Start small.
But I could not bring myself to do it.
Staying home gave me more time and space to think.
And in that space, I started seeing things more clearly.
About myself.
About my patterns.
About parts of my life I had not fully faced before.
That clarity did not always help.
Sometimes, it added to the weight.
It made it easier to stay stuck.
To delay.
To tell myself I would start tomorrow.
There was also a thought that kept coming back.
What if this never fully heals?
What if I never run races again?
I realized I was not just afraid of the injury.
I was afraid of losing a part of who I thought I was.
And something deeper.
I was afraid I would no longer belong in the very community that helped shape me.
Even though I know the people would still support me,
I was not sure if I could still see myself the same way.
That was hard to admit.
Over time, with space and reflection, something became clear.
My identity had become too narrow.
I had tied it to running.
One outcome.
One version of myself.
And when running went away, everything shook.
So I had to ask myself a different question.
Who am I if I cannot be that runner again?
That question stayed with me.
Not as something to solve, but something I had to sit with.
Because I realized I had quietly made running my identity.
And when that identity cracked,
I felt like I had nothing to stand on.
That is when it became clear.
If my identity depends on one outcome,
It will always be fragile.
So instead of trying to get back to who I was,
I had to choose who I want to be now.
I am someone who shows up for my mind and body every day.
No matter what that looks like.
Some days it is walking.
Some days it is strength work.
Some days it is just doing something small.
It is not perfect.
It is not where I used to be.
But it is consistent.
And more importantly, it feels stable.
I am not fully back.
And I am not trying to be.
I am rebuilding differently.
This week, I completed my first 5K run after my plantar fasciitis injury.
This felt like a meaningful milestone for me.
I could feel how out of shape I am.
I was out of breath at times.
But I expected that.
What mattered more was that I showed up and finished it.
I am proud of myself for that.
This is just a start.
It is a long road ahead, and I need to be careful.
But I feel something I had not felt in a while.
I feel like I am moving again.
I have done this before.
And I trust I can build again.
If you are going through something similar,
where a part of your identity has shifted or been taken away,
You are not alone.
You do not have to have it all figured out.
Just start with one small act of showing up.
And build from there.
If you ever want to talk or need help thinking through your own situation,
feel free to reach out.