A Thoughtful Gift That Backfired and Went Hilariously Wrong
My Moth StorySLAM Winning Story
Dear Duniyawaalo (People of the World),
On a night to remember at Fitzgerald’s in Chicagoland on May 21, 2024, I won the Moth StorySLAM with a story that had everyone laughing.
The night's theme was BACKFIRED, and my true story fit perfectly. It’s about love, a mix-up, and a gift that went hilariously wrong.
I hope you laugh as much as the live audience did as I share this. Here’s to everyone whose big plans have ever backfired in the funniest ways!
My Moth StorySLAM Winning Story
To all the masterminds whose best-laid plans backfired, like a fart in a yoga class, good evening and welcome.
My name is Rajneesh Sehgal, and I have been married to my wonderful wife, Archna, for 24 years. Someday, if my wife happens to see this video, let me clarify that I am happily married. You know how I know I am happily married? She told me.
I am married to a strong, independent, and fearless woman. She is the kind of woman that when people find out I am married to her, there is this slow-motion WOW. It’s the kind of WOW that is all caps and bold like a CNN breaking news headline.
I knew exactly what I was getting into when I married Archna. I needed someone to challenge me and call me out on my bullshit. I am proud to say I am married to a woman who is part lawyer, part detective, and part vengeful goddess. If I ever step out of line, she won’t just give me the silent treatment — she will summon a storm, strike me down, and scatter my bones to the four corners of the earth.
I guess you can say that I do have a type when it comes to women.
Archna is a queen of practicality—you know, the kind who buys only what she needs, not what she wants. My wife is still rocking her iPhone 8, which looks like it has survived two wars. She loves it because it still works, and she doesn’t “NEED” a new one. I swear, she can make a monk look like a shopaholic.
On her birthday, I mustered the courage, for once, to make my own decision. I asked myself, “What do you give a woman who has everything she needs and nothing she wants?” An iPhone 15 Pro Max!
As they say, the road to the Apple store is paved with good intentions. With good intentions, I took care of everything: the purchase, the provider transfer, the fancy case, the whole shebang.
On my drive back, I even pictured her reaction. Tears of joy, maybe a happy dance, possibly even a spontaneous, loving hug with the words, “Oh Rajju, you shouldn’t have!”
INSTEAD, I got a lecture that should have been its own TED Talk, titled: “What the FUCK were you thinking?” She looked at me like I had gifted her a live grenade instead of an iPhone.
With a voice dripping with disappointment, she said, “You bought me this? We have been married for 24 years, and it still amazes me how your actions show that you don’t know me at all. This goes against everything I believe in.”
With my smile fading faster than a cheap t-shirt, I said, “I really thought you would love it!”
“Love it? I tweeted about how this phone costs a mortgage for some people, and you just bought it for me? Do you even read my tweets or ignore them like everything else I say?”
When I tried to reason with her, “You know other wives would be over the moon with such a gift.” She just lost it, “Good. Please divorce me and go find yourself one of those wives, marry her, and live happily ever after”.
I then made the cardinal mistake of saying something that no self-respecting woman ever wants to hear: “Calm down!”
She just yelled, “CALM DOWN !!!”
If anyone is taking notes, it was the wrong move. I should have known better. Telling my wife to calm down is like telling a tornado not to spin. It only makes things worse.
Where were we? Oh Yes. “Calm down!!! I’ll calm down when this monstrosity is back in the Apple store where it rightfully belongs!”
I realized there was no coming back from “Calm Down,” so I told her I was sorry and would return it.
She tells me, “YOU need to calm down and stay right here.” She returns the iPhone 15, reactivates her beloved iPhone 6, and returns home within the hour. All I could do was “calm down” and watch our driveway like a kid on a timeout.
So, let’s raise a glass to my beloved wife, Archna, the queen of practicality. She taught me a valuable lesson that sometimes, the best way to SAY “I love you” is to just LISTEN to her.
❤️ Rajneesh